Please Don’t Feed the Fears

Nov 20
4 min read

Listen to this instead, as read by Cynthia:

Have you ever been afraid? Has that fear ever been so strong that it froze you in place and seemed to eat you up? Then this book is for you.

It's for you and anyone of any age who needs a little help recognizing what Fear is, and that it's possible to get out from inside its belly.

This book is a gentle guide. It will not teach you how to avoid Fear. It will, instead, teach you that Fear is a part of you. It will assure you that it can be helpful and keep you safe sometimes, as long as it's kept in check.

At a time when kids (and adults) are being put on meds sooner than they're taught coping skills, no one is being told that fear is a healthy part of human emotions. We need to be able to recognize and work with it in a healthy way. Trying to avoid it at all costs will only make it grow stronger. Fearing Fear is a vicious cycle because it's literally impossible to avoid. Just as impossible as any other emotion.

You'll learn about the ways in which Fear can be helpful and that questioning or challenging it can be healthy. You'll follow the path into Fear's belly and see how hopeless it can make everything seem. It'll show you that escape is possible with the help of others or on your own.

It also highlights that bravery and trust can be something you may need to ask for help. Where other books may teach a child that those things are for facing physical challenges and being a hero, this one acknowledges that they can also be used for communicating a need for help. Things like that can be seen as unimportant, a bother, but also overwhelming to people in need of assistance. Rarely is it acknowledged as brave or something that requires trust - a feeling that is often unspoken. Kids and adults have a difficult time recognizing that the reason we talk ourselves out of asking for assistance is because we don't trust that others will listen or that the anyone would or could help.

How I Learned About Fear

I grew up in a house where Fear ate everyone up all the time. No one knew how to get out or what to do. Eventually, they became afraid of almost anything.

I was told bravery and trust were bad things. They would just make me vulnerable and make people dislike me for bothering them with my pleas. I was told no one would ever help me. And that's when I realized I had to help myself. I spent a long time learning how to navigate my way out of Fear.

I went to doctors for panic attacks, I went to therapy, I read books on faith, self-actualization, psychology, and all of them added to the puzzle, but no single one had the all the answers, and all came with their own drawbacks.

Each of these pieces afforded me new perspectives - both in the good things and the bad because the bad gave me the opportunity to examine why those things were bad. However, what they all lacked was a relatable perspective that made fear less intimidating and alien. All of them tended to treat it like it was an illness rather than a naturally evolved part of us.

Whether they treated it like an illness of the spirit, the mind, the body, or the personality, all of them, in my experience, treated fear like something to cure or conquer, rather than something to integrate and live with like any other emotion.

We've learned so much in recent years that you can't fight biology. And you especially can't teach children to do that either. Fear is only an enemy when it's out of control. Once we understand why things make us feel afraid and can listen to it and integrate it in a healthy way, it's not scary or alien or in need of a cure.

There is so much value in teaching children and adults to listen to that little voice. Those of us who have ignored it or didn't know how to discern it from exaggeration have had to pay that price. That's why this book doesn't end with a message that we must dismiss or avoid Fear altogether, but that we must learn how to live with it like any other emotion - setting it apart from other books on the subject.

I wrote this book to be an inspiring addition to anyone's collection - a gentle and whimsical message to the reader that they can escape from hopeless places. I wanted every reader to feel like bravery didn't need to come with a sword or by getting over a specific challenge. I wanted them to know someone else understands the journey, the challenge, and can reassure them. Most of all, as the last line states, I wanted them to feel like they aren't alone.

I'm Cynthia Breheny and the book Please Don't Feed the Fears, authored and illustrated by me is available now on our website. Thank you for reading and please, check out our videos, articles, and other publications.